Tuesday, August 13, 2013

The Quill and the Sword

Posted by Kristy

Props to anyone who knew that this post is named after the BYU medieval club. I always saw them practicing outside with their wooden swords in the courtyard. They were intense--or at least I thought so until I attended the Washington Renaissance Faire. That's right people: it's so legit that it has an "e" on the end. Once again, Groupon introduced me to greatness by offering $8 for renaissance fair tickets (normally $18). They have the fair 3 weekends in a row, and each week, there is a different theme. The themes are: pirates, fairies and masquerade. We chose the pirate week and we managed to talk some friends into coming with us.

This fair was one of the craziest things I've ever seen. I kind of loved it. You could just sit and people-watch for hours. I knew that there would be people dressed up but I had no idea how intense the costumes would be. The normal-dressed people were by far in the minority. Here are a few shots of us waiting for the queen's permission to open the gates.

 Someone save that baby from this life

 His tights were creepy tight

 Everyone had to bow the entire time the queen was addressing them. It was a long greeting. 

The fair was on a huge grassy field. Here's a map of it:

It's like Disneyland for geeks

They had performers, food, and tons of random things for sale. I learned that it's fairs like these where people get their entire medieval getup. All of the stuff was handcrafted pricey. 

Handcrafted leather steam-punk corsets anyone? 

Some of the hats were pretty incredible

So legit. 

Might have been tempted to buy one

There were tons and tons of shops, and everything was crazy expensive. Would you like a handmade leather pirate vest? That will cost you $530. How about a custom fit pair of leather boots? That's a cool $900. People that go to these things spend a crazy amount of money on their costumes.

After browsing the stores, we decided to go check out one of the shows. Our friends convinced us to watch "Cirque du Sewer." It was a rat trick show. It was actually pretty entertaining but she kept having the audience say "aww" and talk about how cute they were. I wasn't buying it, rats are gross.  

This was the highlight of the show. Sadly the rat did not catch on fire. 

After that show, we headed over to watch the Queen's Joust event. I was excited to see this event because movies have taught me that all jousters look this. 

Why can't movies always be right?

What I got was this:

Not the same

After the underwhelming event show, we grabbed some lunch at the food court. They had all kinds of crazy food like turkey legs, baked quail, steamed artichokes and salmon. I chose mini donuts. Trevor decided to go a little more medieval. 

My donuts were better

While eating, we saw a couple of people who had picture-worthy costumes. The first one is a guy dressed up as the main character in "Assassins Creed." I'll show you what the character looks like in case you're not as nerdy as I am. 

Pretty good huh?

This guy was also picture worthy:

Yes, he was all done up pirate-style, but he's not the reason I wanted the picture. I really just liked his cat.

Real life Puss in Boots (without the boots)

It's a cat dressed as a pirate with a little shirt, vest and sword. I just wish Kylie were there to see this marvel in person. 

After pictures, we decided walk around to fair, and we ended up getting invited to have an audience with the queen. This was by far the most awkward part of the evening. This is the queen. 

"Big Book of British Smiles" (props who gets this)

Our conversation went something like this (except it was longer and more awkward):

Queen: "Good morrow my subjects. How fare thee? 

Us: "Um, good." 

Queen: "Hast thou been enjoying the fair's festivities?"

Us: "Yeah." 

Queen: "Ah, yes the fair tis most splendid. It seems thou needest to visit the local craftsmen. They can sell you wares that would be more appropriate for this fine day. Their craft is the finest in all of England. 

Us: "Sweet."

Queen: "I hear that this year we also have a variety of culinary delicacies for sale. Perchance I'll be able to sample the roast quail later. I've been busy taking tea in the palace. Have ye have the time to sample any of their fine foods?

Us: "Yeah. I had the mini donuts, they were delicious." 

Queen: "I'm not familiar with that certain delicacy. Perchance I'll sample one anon.  My servants and I are fatigued from this afternoon's joust. Methinks it twas the grandest event in all the lands. I must bid thee good morrow but prithee wilst thou wearest my favor?   

Then she gave us a green banner on a safety pin. Only the finest for the queen. After that we decided to vent our anger by throwing some axes. 

Miraculously, no one was hurt in this process

 Trevor and Steph were way better than me
You don't want to mess with us

Once again, Groupon didn't let us down. Another fun summer adventure. 


  1. You always have the best adventures! I want to live by you so I can join you anon.

  2. Ooookay, this sounded pretty amazing. An entire day dedicated to sarcasm. I went to a renaissance fair in Switzerland and we danced with the peasants and ate lots of meat and mostly stared a lot. You two are the coolest.

  3. k, I am surprised and impressed that Trevor was the adventurous one with the food. Win for Trevor. Kristy you disappointed me with your donuts ;)

  4. I am equally so happy that this was captured and recorded and disturbed at how many crazy people there are in the world...

  5. "rats are gross".
    HAHA awkward queen convos, story of my life